Karma will visit me

I have found myself a keeper, one I am ready to part ways with. This is not of her wrong doing, or mine. On the contrary, the most valuable of possessions are always insured. She has prepared herself too for what we are told is the inevitable. We are reminded that there is no other outcome that could come of this. We are prepared. The both of us are. We both await a broken heart. We both will find ourselves keepers of a broken heart.

Karma will visit me. I will be judged for my trespasses against others who felt what I am feeling now. I may have wrecked homes unknowingly. She has entered my life as a doorway for judgment. I will not blame her for her wrongdoing. I will be hurt because I too have hurt others.

I am trapped in clichés, corny phrases and caring gestures. I am the most vulnerable in the heart of something I have always found myself reasoning against. She will forgive herself for feeling the same towards me. I have felt the warmth of a loving hug. I have fallen for a rebel like me.

Our liberty has turned against us. We are hostages of our own words. Our friends now judge us. We who spoke against the only place we find ourselves not wanting to leave. We are going downhill…quickly.

I have found myself someone who is glad that I am born. She is a champion who smiles with sincerity. She is at the threshold of youthful euphoria. She follows the dictates of her heart. They don’t always make sense to her…she is human.

Karma has a delivery. She has a reputation for serving revenge a cold dish. I will find myself a recipient of a different one though. I have found an exceptional person. Amidst the odds the aim is to be an exception.

This therefore becomes my call. A call to arms. To live, to laugh and to stick together. I would that we give it our all. If we are to rebel like this against ourselves…lets give it our all.

The struggle continues 

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At this very moment, I am craving. I am overwhelmed and afloat. I resurface to find myself in the depths again. There is no sense of closure, but rather I feel streams gushing all around me. I am compelled to share this water yet I drink none of it. I am deeply thirsty and I do not anticipate my thirst to be quenched…not without avoiding the consequences, the ramifications to follow. I fear the rhetoric of those I consider imbeciles. Should I find myself presenting myself as an empty cup, they will do nothing but fill me up with that which evaporates before it trickles down my throat. I am at ransom. I am a beggar of time and those who incarcerate me see themselves as liberators. I look for joy. I look for food. I look for sanitation. I look for clarity. I look for structure. They ask of me that which I search for. I have found a form of refuge in my search; it seems my chains are my greatest weapon. I am hungry and so I hunt. I am thirsty and so I dig. They want answers. I have learnt to “only speak to improve upon silence”. I stand at the mercy of history. I will be vindicated. I will love uncontrollably. I have no certainty but the image which is within me. I will give into my future. I will cause others to thirst too. I believe that is the cycle of which I am supposed to accept. Where will purpose be if everyone is fulfilled? Thirst frustrates, exacerbates and eliminates. At this very moment I choose to remain hostile to myself. I am my own company. There are no answers…the enigma is the conclusion. The conclusion remains the mystery. I will remain thirsty for that which aims to keep me thirsty. I blame nobody.

I crave…this is my way of life.